Finding the Thread Back to Living.

I am currently listening to a book on how to learn more effectively. One of the techniques to improve information retention is to make associations between new information and something you already know.

It dawned on me that associations can also hinder learning and growth. When we associate things with our pain and limitations, we prevent new information from sticking.

This is why in the early stages of grief I fell into the victim mindset. I thought that I had no control over my own thoughts, feelings, or actions. My pain was in the driver's seat, and I was just there for the ride.

Everything was associated with the pain I experienced from losing my sister. Whenever I smelled a cigarette (Lauren was a smoker), whenever I saw someone with dark curly hair, whenever I saw a brother and sister interacting with one another, whenever I heard one of her favorite songs ("Waterfalls" by TLC in particular), it would remind me of all that I lost.

Over the years, I had to start creating new associations, connecting some of those same triggers with new thoughts. So now, every time I hear "Waterfalls," I associate it with Lauren saying, "Hello, thinking about you." Every time I see siblings interacting, I feel gratitude for the time I had with my sister and all the memories we share.

The associations we form in grief are not permanent. They may feel carved in stone, but actually, they are more like well-worn paths, and we have the ability to forge new ones. It takes time, intention, and patience, but you can relearn how to connect your memories to life rather than loss. The triggers won't disappear, but you get to decide how their meaning can transform.

Ready to change your associations? Schedule your free 30-minute session. Change my Associations NOW!

Go with Power,

Jason

Try this Simple Practice:

Rewriting One Association

Choose one small trigger (a song, a scent, a place) that currently pulls you into pain.

The next time you encounter it, pause and ask yourself: "What is one moment this reminds me of when they were alive and present?"

Don't try to erase the grief. Just add something alongside it. A memory of them laughing. A habit they had. Something they loved about that song or place.

Do this each time you encounter that trigger. You're not replacing the association, you're expanding it. Over time, that trigger becomes less about the day you lost them and more about the life you shared.

Start with just one. That's enough.