Fine-tune your Focus.
Lately, I’ve been talking to a few people (including myself) whose focus has been all over the place. Many people refer to this forgetfulness and lack of focus as “Grief Brain.” I don’t particularly care for the expression because it can lead to a victim mentality. Blaming our grief for our thoughts, feelings, or actions disempowers us and removes our responsibility for taking charge of our lives.
The lack of focus and forgetfulness is a real thing—not just a function of our grief, but also the result of living a modern-day life.
So, what to do about it?
The way I’ve dealt with this issue in my life is by putting systems in place. I systematize all areas of my life. Let me explain.
I realized that I needed to clean my house more regularly but just wasn’t able to do it. Spending three hours on a Saturday to vacuum, mop, clean surfaces, put things away, etc., just wasn’t happening. I realized the whole process was overly complicated. So I decided to break the cleaning into small, manageable tasks that I can do every single day—tasks that take no more than 30 minutes.
On Monday, I clean the bathrooms.
On Tuesday, I wipe down counters and surfaces.
On Wednesday, I vacuum the first floor.
On Thursday, I vacuum the second floor.
On Friday, I mop the whole house.
That’s what I mean by putting a system in place.
I also have a system for dealing with my emotional and physical health. Before my feet touch the floor, I spend about 30 minutes getting myself into a gratitude headspace. While lying in bed, I feel the gratitude for waking up in the morning and all the blessings of a brand new day. Then I get out of bed, do 50–100 push-ups, throw on my running clothes, and run 4 miles (4–5 days a week). As I cool down, I meditate for 10 minutes. Then I hop in for a quick shower, grab a nutritious breakfast, and am ready to crush the day.The entire system takes about 1.5 hours, which I’ve built up to over time. On the days I’m busy, I can compress the routine and decide which components I need the most.
You must remember that I’ve been on my grief journey for 26 years, and my system has built up over time. A short, simple system could look like this:
Find 3 things you’re grateful for
Do 10 jumping jacks
Take 3 deep breaths
Have a nutritious breakfast
It only needs to take a few minutes a day. Consistency is more important than duration. Five minutes of action is better than 30 minutes of inaction.
Coming back to focus and forgetfulness—create a system that will help you stay on track. Whether that means writing down 2–3 goals you want to accomplish (don’t write down more than 3—it’s better to get 3 done than to write 20 and do none), or using an app on your phone that can remind you of things, find a way that works for you to take ownership over how your brain is functioning now.
With practice and systems in place, you’ll be solution-focused instead of a victim of the problem.