Getting Clear on What You Need.

Even after all these years of dealing with my grief, one of the hardest things is still being able to communicate clearly with the people I love. Their needs and my needs get intertwined. I ask for one thing when I really mean another. They aren’t clear about what they need, so I try to interpret it, and often get it wrong.

It’s complicated.

The only thing I actually have influence over is how I think, how I feel, and what I do.

That’s it.

Here’s the truth: your needs in grief are not fixed.
They change day to day; sometimes hour to hour, even moment to moment.

One day you need company.
The next day you need space.
One moment you want to talk about your person.
The next moment you can’t say their name without your body tightening.

None of that is wrong.

And clarity is not selfish.

It’s kindness, to you and to the people who want to support you but don’t know how.

You’re allowed to say:

“I don’t want advice. I just want you to listen.”
“I can’t talk today, but I’d love a text tomorrow.”
“Please keep inviting me, even if I say no sometimes.”
“I need help with practical things right now.”

Grief doesn’t mean you need more strength.
It means you need clearer support.

This is where support can be helpful. Having a guide, someone who can help you talk through the confusion and walk with you toward clarity, can make all the difference.

When you learn to communicate your needs clearly, it’s better for everyone. You know what you need in the moment, and the people you love know how to show up for you.

Go with power,
Jason

Try this Simple Practice:

Ask Clarifying Questions.

When grief feels heavy or confusing, don’t ask yourself,

“What should I need?”

That question often creates pressure or self-judgment.

Pause and ask:

• What would feel most supportive right now?

• Do I need comfort, distraction, structure, or rest?

• Do I need someone to listen—or someone to help me function?

There are no right answers. Your needs can change, and that’s okay.

Next Step: Share It With One Safe Person

Choose one person you trust and communicate what you need right now.
It doesn’t have to be perfect or permanent, just honest.

You can keep it simple:

• “I don’t need advice today, just someone to listen.”

• “Could you check in on me later this week?”

• “I need help with something practical right now.”

You’re not asking for too much.
You’re giving someone a clear way to support you.

Clarity is an act of self-care.