Give your worry somewhere useful to go, one choice within your reach at a time.
Someone didn’t do what I thought they were going to do. And I started freaking out.
This happened while I was working on the essential oils part of my business. I had an expectation about what someone else would do, and when that didn’t happen, worry moved right in.
My mind was busy with everything that could happen next. All that energy, and I wasn’t getting anywhere.
Then I remembered something I teach my clients.
Yes, sometimes I need my own reminders. :)
There’s the sphere of worry, and there’s the sphere of influence.
The sphere of worry holds everything I’m concerned about. Other people’s choices. How something will turn out. All the possible consequences of something that hasn’t happened yet.
The sphere of influence holds the places where I can actually do something. I can communicate more clearly. Follow up. Adjust my plan. Decide how I’m going to respond.
I had been spending my energy on someone else’s next move. When I brought my attention back to my own, I could take agency and responsibility for it. The worry started dropping away.
I still couldn’t make the person do what I expected. But I could decide what I would do next. That gave my energy somewhere useful to go.
The same thing happens during a major life transition or grief. There can be a million things to worry about, and some of those concerns are very real. The future feels uncertain because it is uncertain. Of course your mind is trying to get ahead of it.
But replaying every possible outcome can leave you exhausted before anything has even happened.
We can begin using that energy creatively. A worry about being alone can become a plan to spend time with someone who understands. Worry about an unfamiliar responsibility can become a request for help learning it. Worry about getting through the whole week can become a little support for getting through today.
Taking responsibility for your next step doesn’t mean taking blame for what happened. And influence doesn’t mean control. It means finding the part you can work with.
Here’s a simple practice for the next time worry starts running the show.
Try this Simple Practice: Three Steps to Give Your Worry Somewhere to Go
Step 1: Give your body a moment. Feel your feet on the floor. Let your shoulders soften and take a few comfortable breaths. Give yourself a little space before trying to figure everything out.
Step 2: Put the worry on paper. Write down one concern. Beside it, name the part you can influence. For example: “I’m worried they won’t follow through” becomes “I can clarify the expectation and make a backup plan.” If the outcome is outside your influence, name the support you can give yourself while you wait.
Step 3: Take one small step. Make the call. Ask for help. Put the plan in your calendar. Choose something specific and manageable, then let that be enough for now.
The feeling may need more time. You can still give yourself credit for responding with care.
Give your worry somewhere useful to go, one choice within your reach at a time.
Go with Power,
Jason
New episode! Listen to Hope for Grief, my conversation with Rita De Michele on the Beyond Diagnosis Podcast.