Stop Waiting to be Chosen.
I remember sitting at my elementary school desk, waiting for the teacher to walk around the room and distribute Valentine’s Day cards. I would wait with bated breath to see if anyone chose me to be their valentine. When the teacher finished her rounds, as suspected, all the “cool” kids had tons of cards, and, I had none.
I was the outsider.
The lone wolf.
The one who lived outside the box.
As a child, these identities made me feel victimized, alone, and isolated. I was picked on, bullied, thrown in lockers (in high school), and overall mistreated.
I let these identities unconsciously dictate my choices for many years. I changed jobs every couple of years because I would get bored or challenge leadership in a way that threatened them. I made out-of-the-box financial decisions that sent me on a roller coaster ride. I struggled with living the life everyone around me was telling me I should have - the American Dream (9–5 corporate job, children, a house with a white picket fence, etc.).
When my sister Lauren died, everything changed.
I realized that if she could die at 24 years old, then trying to live a life that everyone else wanted me to live was off the table. I had to choose myself first.
Once I did that, everything changed.
I was forced to look at the way I saw myself and the identities I was holding onto.
The person I was in the past could not be the person I was becoming.
A commitment I made to myself (and Lauren, if I am completely honest) was that I was not going to let her car accident kill me too.
I summoned the courage to take a hard look at myself, the choices I was making and the identities I was embodying.
I chose to take the same identities that were once my biggest challenges and turn them into my superpowers.
If I was an outsider, I was going to bring the other outsiders together because I knew I was not the only one who felt like a lonely outsider. As a bereaved sibling, we often feel like the “forgotten mourners.” So this is where I started, creating an online peer support group for bereaved siblings. A place where outsiders could be together.
If I was a lone wolf, I was going to lean into that and create a life and business that matched it. I did give the 9–5 job a chance and felt like I was dying inside. My commitment to truly live the one life I had was not a good fit for the traditional work cycle. I knew I needed to create something of my own. Something different than anything out there. That is where my Somatic (Body-Centered) Therapy practice got its structure.
If I was going to live outside the box, then I had to stop listening to all the in-the-box advice people were giving me. My family, friends, and colleagues meant well, and had no experience with the direction I was going.
All of my childhood training was building my fortitude and resilience to live into my true potential.
Is it all rainbows and unicorns? Absolutely not. It was (and still has) challenges.
Sometimes I even think about how nice it would be if I could just be like everyone else.
Then I realize that is not how I was designed. I was designed to stand out.
The choices I am making now have changed the direction I am headed.
We have to make different choices to get different results.
Start by choosing you.
Go with power,
Jason
Try this Simple Practice:
Choose Yourself First.
Keep it simple.
Choosing yourself doesn’t have to be dramatic.
Here’s one grounded practice you can include:
The 10-Minute Check-In
Before you respond to anyone else in the morning; no texts, no email, no social media. Sit quietly for 10 minutes and ask yourself one question:
“What do I need today?”
Not what your boss needs.
Not what your family needs.
Not what the world expects.
Just you.
Then honor one small answer.
Maybe it’s:
A walk.
A hard conversation.
Drinking more water.
Saying no to something.
Blocking one hour for your own project.
Choosing yourself isn’t always a big leap.
Sometimes it’s a quiet decision to listen to your own voice first.