Two Dead Siblings. One Family Reunion.
“Life is happening FOR you, not TO you.”
That expression didn’t sit right with me in the early stages of my loss. How could the death of my sister possibly be happening for me? What purpose could all that pain and suffering serve? How could something so devastating help me become a better version of myself?
Over the years, though, I began to notice something. When things are going great, we tend to stay on the same path. It’s when things start going south, when we run into challenges, that we shift gears and change direction. And when that happens, the universe often puts the right people in our path to show us a different way of approaching things. (Now I’ve got that song from Wicked stuck in my head.)
For the last six years, I’ve been running a peer support group for bereaved siblings. Almost every Thursday, I moderate a Zoom meeting where I not only get to know the person attending the meeting, I also get to know their sibling who passed. I hear their stories. I learn their likes, their dislikes, the good, the bad, and the ugly.
There’s an unspoken understanding in our group (sometimes it’s actually spoken): our siblings brought us together.
There are moments in everyday life that remind me of them. An ice cream truck. A cardinal. A dragonfly. A SpongeBob meme. A hot air balloon. A feather in a strange place. A slice of pumpkin pie. Each one carries a memory of someone’s sibling.
If you’re still in the mindset that your loved one is no longer around looking out for you, maybe this story will help.
For years, there has been a mystery in my family. My great-grandfather had a brother he left behind in Russia in the early 1900s. We didn’t have a name or any real information to go on.
Over time, I came across a few people with the last name Wendroff, but I couldn’t figure out the connection. It’s not a very common name, so I always assumed that part of the family line had simply been lost.
A few days ago, I received an email from someone looking for support because her sibling had died. She had questions about some of the meetings we offer through the group.
I responded, and somewhere in the email my last name appeared: Wendroff.
Her reply came back:
“Huh… Wendroff is my maiden name.”
She continued with the little information she had about her family history.
So I brought that information to my father. Unfortunately, he knew as little about that side of his family history as I did.
Fortunately, I have a cousin who traveled to Ukraine (formerly part of the USSR) and did some research on that side of the family. She gathered paperwork, photos of headstones, and other records.
I immediately texted her the information I had received from this bereaved sibling.
And lo and behold… it appears we may have found the branch of our family that’s been missing for over 100 years.
I’m still waiting for tangible proof that this person is my dad’s second cousin (which would make her my second cousin once removed). But intuitively, everything lines up; the time, the place, the ages, the names.
All of it.
And here’s the part that stopped me in my tracks.
If Lauren had never died, I would never have been moderating groups for bereaved siblings.
If I weren’t moderating the group, I wouldn’t be writing these emails.
If I hadn’t written these emails, this person wouldn’t have reached out to ask about the meetings.
If she had never written to ask about the meetings, I would never have responded with my last name in the email.
And if I had never responded with my last name… this family reunion would never have happened.
You may not see the ripple effect your actions have right now. And you may not believe that things are happening for you.
That’s perfectly okay.
Just be open to the possibility.
Because without that openness… my sister and this person’s brother might never have aligned this reunion.
Go with power,
Jason
P.S. I’d love to know, what’s one unexpected ripple that came from a difficult moment in your life? If you feel like sharing, hit the button and let me know.
Try this Simple Practice:
Seeing the Ripple
A Simple 3-Step Reflection
Before you begin, think of a challenging moment in your life that is not related to the death or loss of a loved one. Choose something difficult, frustrating, or unexpected.
Step 1
Think of a time when something in your life didn’t go the way you planned — a setback, disappointment, or unexpected challenge.
Step 2
Ask yourself: Did anything good or meaningful eventually come from that moment?
Maybe you met someone new, changed direction, learned something important, or discovered a path you wouldn’t have chosen otherwise.
Step 3
Notice the ripple.
Sometimes we only realize later that what felt like life happening to us may have quietly been life happening for us.
Sometimes those ripples are quietly guided by the people we love, even the ones who are no longer here.