Your Whole Life Cannot be Grief.
My wife and I are completely obsessed with the TV show Outlander. The premiere for the final season comes out on Friday. However, on Monday she got free tickets to a special red carpet premiere where there will be a panel with the entire cast.
In preparation for this premiere event, my wife asked if some of her friends from her workout/Outlander community could crash at our house so they don’t have to pay for a NYC hotel.
I agreed.
Last night, we had a fun time talking about the show and the characters.
Currently, there are three people sleeping in my basement (which now looks like a dormitory) gathering their energy for a full day of Outlander excitement.
Originally, I wasn’t sure I was going to attend the event, even though my wife has an extra ticket and has been encouraging me to go. Then, a few days ago, my schedule naturally started to open up… and I got roped into the excitement.
It made me realize something.
I need to do more things outside the grief space.
It is important to have space for my loss. A community of people who understand where I’m coming from and allow me to talk about my sister without feeling sorry for me.
It is also important not to let the loss consume all of me and become my entire identity.
Trying to recapture the identity I had before my loss caused me pain. I am fundamentally a different person. What I used to do for fun and excitement does not interest me anymore.
And I had to embrace that.
Explore new things. Find what lights you up now. Even if you feel guilty having fun, try it anyway. The guilt may subside over time.
Find the people who make you laugh and make life lighter. Connect with people who lift you up, not drag you down. Spend time thinking about things other than your loss.
A book club. Trivia night. A walking group. A meet-up. A writing workshop. Volunteering at an animal shelter. A community center class. A theater group.
These are just some examples if you need ideas.
Moving forward, you have the opportunity to choose your new identity intentionally, or you can let that new identity happen to you.
You can let grief shape you by default.
Or you can decide who you are becoming.
If you’re ready to stop surviving and start intentionally building your next chapter, I’m here.
Let’s do it together.
Go with power,
Jason
Try this Simple Practice:
Expand your Identity Practice
Grief can shrink your world.
This practice helps you make it one room bigger.
Step 1: Make a Small List
Write down 5 things that used to interest you — or that you’ve been mildly curious about.
Nothing profound.
Walking group. Pottery. Book club. Gym class. Church group. Trivia night. Hiking. Cooking class.
You’re not looking for passion.
You’re looking for possibility.
Step 2: Circle One Low-Risk Option
Ask yourself:
Which one feels least intimidating?
Not the most exciting.
The least overwhelming.
Start there.
Step 3: Commit to Showing Up Once
Not forever.
Not “this is my new identity.”
Just once.
One class.
One meetup.
One gathering.
You are not committing to joy.
You are committing to exposure.
Step 4: Keep Your Grief Circle Too
This is not replacing your grief community.
You still need:
The people who understand your loss
The place where you can cry
The space to process
But you also need:
People who don’t define you by your grief
Conversations not centered on loss
Moments of lightness
Both are necessary.