Before You Fix It… Understand It
I am a big fan of taking action because knowledge is only potential power. Without action, knowledge is just in your head and not out in the world. And in our modern life, we glorify being "busy." So taking action without it being effective or inspired is just exhausting.
But here's the thing: not all action is created equal. Sometimes the most powerful action is knowing exactly where to focus your energy.
This reminds me of a story:
Henry Ford once had a generator fail at his factory. His best engineers spent days trying to fix it, no luck. Desperate, he called in a specialist who studied the massive machine for hours without touching a thing. Finally, the expert pulled out a piece of chalk, marked an X on one spot, and said: "Open it here and replace the spring inside."
The generator was fixed within the hour. Ford received a bill for $10,000. Outraged, he demanded an itemized invoice. It read:
Chalk mark: $1
Knowing where to put it: $9,999
Knowledge and understanding make our action-taking very focused and effective.
When it comes to our grief, sometimes we take action to get ourselves out of the pain and suffering without cultivating the knowledge and understanding about what that particular challenge is teaching us.
In my early stages of grief, whenever big feelings started to arise, I had some pretty effective ways of managing them. Overeating, drinking, binge-watching TV, playing games on the computer, these were just some of them. I did not say they were healthy actions; they were, however, effective at numbing me from those big emotions.
Going right into action to numb those feelings prevented me from taking the time to get to know and understand what my pain was teaching me. It was definitely scary to go into those dark places. Emotions come in waves. When I took the time with my emotions before doing anything, I began to realize that they rise and build. If I let myself sit in the discomfort of it, it will also crest and go back out to sea. Eventually, I learned to accept and appreciate those emotions and use them as fuel to become the best version of me possible.
For those of you who think that grief will go away someday, it won't. And for me, it is not something I would want to go away. It continues to teach me about the value of life and the time that we are here in this physical reality.
On Thanksgiving Day, I found out one of my colleagues in the essential oils world had passed away in the beginning of November. I was not particularly close to him, and I knew he had a cancer diagnosis, but I did not know he had passed. When I was given the news, I felt very emotional. My brain started to chime in and say, "It is not logical to get so emotional over someone you hardly knew." I knew I needed to sit with the surge of emotion. Emotions are from the heart, so logic has nothing to do with it. I sat down on my couch, had a good cry, took a few moments to honor my colleague and his family, and let the wave flow back out to sea.
The rest of the day, I took the time to sit and observe my own family. I felt gratitude for all that I have in my life right now. As we all know, we never know how much time anyone has left to be here, so we have to make each and every moment count.
Take some time to get to know your grief and how it functions in your life. Know and trust that it is getting you to grow in some way. It is pushing you out of your comfort zone.
Figure out where to put that X, then take the action to move forward.
Go with power,
Jason
Try this Simple Practice:
3-Step Holiday Practice: “Find the X”
Step 1 — Pause & Notice the Wave
Before you step into a holiday moment, take one quiet breath.
Ask yourself: “What part of the holidays feels heavy for me right now?”
Whatever shows up (sadness, tension, longing, overwhelm) that’s your chalk mark.
Step 2 — Get Curious, Not Reactive
Instead of trying to fix, numb, or push through the feeling, ask:
What is this emotion trying to tell me?
What does this part of me need right now?
Stay with it for just one breath longer than you normally would.
Step 3 — Take One Small, Honoring Action
Do something that supports what you discovered:
step outside, light a candle, leave early, create a new tradition, or simply rest.
One action, guided by understanding, not pressure.