You Were Conditioned. Now You Get to Choose.
Last night I went to my local high school’s theater production of The Prom.
As the curtain opened and the lights came up, I was suddenly transported back to my own high school days when I was the one standing on stage.
I remembered the excitement and the nervous jitters before a performance. The thrill of being in front of an audience. The deep sense of accomplishment that came from weeks of rehearsals culminating in just a few performances.
It has been over 30 years since I performed in a play, yet the moment the show began, those thoughts, feelings, and sensations rushed back all at once.
That is the power of conditioning in your nervous system.
How Emotional Experiences Shape Your Nervous System
If someone asked you where you were on September 11, 2001, you could probably tell them exactly where you were standing, who you were with, and maybe even what you were wearing.
If someone asked where you were a random Tuesday the week before, you probably wouldn’t remember.
Why?
Because emotion embeds experiences into our nervous system.
When an event carries intense emotional weight, it becomes hardwired into our memory and our body's response system.
Our nervous system learns from these moments.
Sometimes that conditioning happens during a single powerful event.
Other times it happens through small cues repeated over time.
Either way, the responses they create often occur outside of our conscious awareness.
We develop these patterns because our nervous system is designed for survival.
And many of the responses we carry aren’t truly ours—they are learned from the environments we lived in.
How Trauma Creates Automatic Triggers
Let me share one of my own examples.
I learned about my sister’s death through a phone call.
After that day, every time the phone rang, something happened automatically inside me.
The phone ringing became the trigger.
My immediate thought was:
"Who’s dead now?"
My body would shut down and go numb.
Fight. Flight. Freeze.
Going numb was my nervous system’s freeze response—a built-in survival mechanism designed to protect me from overwhelming emotional pain.
At the time, that response helped me survive.
But eventually it created a problem.
There were times when I needed to take action after hearing the phone ring, and the shutdown response was no longer serving me.
Awareness Is the First Step to Changing Your Patterns
We are creatures of habit.
Each of us develops emotional and behavioral patterns that are unique to our experiences.
And the first step in changing them is awareness.
Once we become aware of a pattern, we can begin to question whether it is still useful.
But awareness alone is not enough.
Real change happens when we intentionally begin to recondition the nervous system.
How I Reconditioned My Nervous System
Once I recognized that the phone-call trigger was no longer serving me, I had to decide which part of the pattern I wanted to change.
The pattern looked like this:
Phone rings → fear → shutdown.
I realized the easiest place to interrupt the loop was right after the phone rang.
So when the phone rang and I felt the fear begin to rise, I would pause and take a deep breath.
That breath interrupted the automatic response.
Then I would imagine the person on the other end of the phone delivering good news.
Sometimes I would even imagine it was a telemarketer trying to sell me something, or someone dialing the wrong number.
Over time, something powerful happened.
The ringing phone lost its emotional connection to death.
Eventually I could answer the phone without going numb.
The Patterns That Helped You Survive May No Longer Serve You
Every pattern you developed once served a purpose.
They helped you survive difficult experiences.
But survival patterns aren’t always the same patterns that help us thrive.
The good news is that your nervous system is capable of learning new responses.
You can intentionally create new patterns.
You can recondition your nervous system.
You can choose different reactions.
You Don’t Have to Figure It Out Alone
Sometimes it’s hard to see our own conditioning because we’ve been living inside it for so long.
The patterns run quietly beneath the surface.
But once you begin identifying them, real change becomes possible.
If you’re starting to notice patterns in your life that no longer serve you, I can help you:
Identify the hidden patterns influencing your reactions
Understand where they came from
Begin the process of reconditioning your nervous system
Create new responses that support the life you want to live
The patterns you learned helped you survive.
Now you get to choose the ones that help you thrive.
If you’re ready to shift the patterns that are keeping you stuck and start intentionally creating new ones, I would be honored to walk that path with you.
Go with power,
Jason
Try this Simple Practice:
The Pattern Awareness Practice
Step 1: Notice the Moment
Think about a recent situation where your reaction felt automatic—fear, shutting down, anger, anxiety, or going numb.
Pause and ask yourself:
What just happened right before I felt this way?
Step 2: Identify the Trigger
What was the event, comment, tone, or situation that set off your reaction?
Sometimes it’s obvious.
Sometimes it’s subtle.
Either way, that moment is the trigger.
Step 3: Name the Pattern
Ask yourself one simple question:
When this trigger happens, what do I usually do?
Do you withdraw?
Get defensive?
Overthink?
Shut down?
Just noticing the pattern is the first step toward changing it.
Awareness is where change begins.
Ready to Go Deeper?
Sometimes the patterns that shape our reactions are difficult to see from the inside. If you’d like support identifying the conditioning that may be keeping you stuck and learning how to recondition your nervous system, I’d be honored to work with you.