Find a Cheerleader.

In the beginning of the week I was feeling a little down in the dumps and defeated. I was utilizing all the tools in my toolbox to snap out of it. Nothing seemed to be working. Making sure everyone else was taken care of is in my nature. Who was going to take care of me when I fall down?

I told myself that I do not need to reach out to anyone. I can manage this all myself. I know what to do. I know all the tools. And, I knew exactly why I was feeling the way I was feeling. 

These are the exact messages I would get in the beginning of my grief journey. As a bereaved sibling I used to hear, “You need to be strong for your parents. Your parents are going to need you more now than ever. How are your parents doing?”. I had to push my own grief down to make sure everyone else was okay. 

And I am determined to change that pattern. So I called my coach. He made sure I had a plan in place, assured me that we all go through ups and downs, and cheered me on to follow the plan that we set up. The call lasted about 10-15min. and I was back on track. All it took was the realization that someone was in my corner cheering me on.

We are all wired for connection. Trying to go through grief alone is futile.That’s why moving through grief with community is so important. Now, making that phone call to my coach was really vulnerable and scary. Having that 10 seconds of courage made all the difference.

Adopting a, “do whatever it takes to feel better” mindset is the thing that can get you to do scary things. So many people in grief unknowingly hold a “do whatever it takes to stay in pain'“ mindset. And that, keeps them in pain longer.

I recently heard a story about cows and buffaloes. When cows and buffaloes are on the same plain and a storm is coming, they respond very differently. Cows run away from the storm. This keeps them in the storm even longer because they are running in the same direction. Buffaloes on the other hand, run into the storm. They undergo more resistance at first, and, get out of the storm more quickly. 

I am a buffalo.