The prison you didn't know you were building.
I am not necessarily a religious person. Spiritual, YES; religious, somewhat. I really only go to temple for the High Holiday services. However, it is very important to me to make sure I go.
While I sit and pray, I listen to the words in both English and Hebrew in order to discover a philosophical/spiritual concept I can wrestle with. I let the words wash over me and listen to my intuition to discover the topic for my internal debate.
This year the topic came quickly. It was the idea of judgment.
Another name for Rosh Hashana (Head of the Year) is Yom Din (Day of Judgment). As I listened to the prayers about the way in which the universe/G-d/Lord/Spirit (fill in your understanding of higher power) looks at our human behavior and judges it, I began to think of both the freedom of judgment and the way in which it can imprison me.
The definition of judgment is the cognitive process of making a decision or discernment. We need to engage in this process on a daily basis. Do I hit snooze on the alarm one more time, or do I get out of bed? What should I eat for breakfast? Should I get dressed or work in my pajamas? Do I stop at the red light or just blow through it? We take in the information given to us at that specific moment and make a choice.
So, if making judgments is critical on a day-to-day basis, why, as a yogi, am I taught to let go of judgment and not let my judgments become my prison?
I have spent the last few days wrestling with that exact question. Here are some of the things I have come to realize:
Judgments become habitual. We only use the information from our past to make the discernment/decision and do not consider new information. Everything is always changing, so use that new information.
Judgments get generalized. Because something happened once does not mean it will happen again. And it can affect how we view the world. "People do not know how to support me in my grief" is a great example. The reality is "some" people do not know how to support you in your grief; "some" do.
Judgment is based on some information, while other information is excluded. There are many reasons we cry. We cry for happiness, sadness, excitement, pain, wonder, and awe. In the beginning of my grief journey, I judged myself for crying. Now, I can see the beauty in my tears.
Judgments go unchecked or are over-analyzed. We never question why we make the decisions we make, or we question them so much that we never actually make a decision. Whichever side of the seesaw you land on, both can keep you from moving forward.
Wrestling with this question is allowing me to let go of my judgment around judgment. Nothing is good or bad; it just is. It is a constant journey of looking at the information you use to make your decisions, remembering there is always new information to consider and, based on that new information, judgments can become flexible and change.
Judgment is just a tool. When used for the right task, it can help you move through your grief more efficiently.
Ready to transform how judgment shows up in your grief journey? I'm offering a complimentary 30-minute conversation where we'll explore how your judgments might be keeping you stuck and discover practical ways to use discernment as a tool for healing instead of a barrier. CLICK HERE to claim your session.
Go with Power,
Jason