Create the Truth You Want to Live.
You may not get to choose what happens to you, but you always get to choose the meaning you give it.
Nothing has meaning until we assign meaning to it.
This concept excites me because it CAN take the judgment out of any situation. It means that things are neither good nor bad. We only see a situation through the meaning we give it.
Here is my personal example.
In the beginning, I assigned my sister’s death the meaning of being the worst thing that could happen to a person. It was going to make me sad for the rest of my life. It was going to be a weight that would always be heavy to carry.
Over the years, I have given her death a different meaning.
I realize that her death has taught me to value time, to have the courage to go after the things that will make me happy, to live a life that I have created, and to serve others.
This change of meaning has been a game changer.
It has brought happiness, joy, strength, and courage into my life. It has taught me to take my mess and make something beautiful with it.
Life is now much lighter and more fun.
That does not mean I never have a hard day or get angry, frustrated, or sad.
When that pops up, I have learned to accept and care for myself during those periods because I know they are only temporary. I will have the experience, and when that experience is over, I will be able to return to a more positive state.
And I give meaning to those moments as a necessary requirement for my happiness and well-being.
Because you cannot have the light without the dark.
Here is the dilemma I have been contemplating lately…
What happens when the meaning you give a situation clashes with the collective meaning?
What meaning do you give it then?
In the grief space, we say, “Grief is a marathon, not a sprint.”
It gives people the space to deal with their grief in their own unique time.
In society, we hear, “When are you going to be over it?”
Telling people they need to hurry up with their grief and move on.
Two very different meanings for one particular event.
So, which meaning do we give it?
The meaning that will serve you most.
I think both meanings are true.
Grief does take time.
And you have to start working on your grief ASAP.
Not to get over it, but to develop the tools and strategies to walk side by side with your grief.
Looking at grief as a friend rather than an enemy.
Another meaning of grief.
You also have to be careful about listening to the collective meaning of things, whether it is grief or anything else. Because when you repeat something over and over again in your mind, it gets internalized and then becomes part of your belief system.
And since that meaning is not absolutely true, it does not serve you if it does not align with you.
Be curious and question the meanings you give to things.
Notice where they have come from… internal truth, family values, society’s rules, friends’ customs, religious dogma, political rhetoric, spiritual downloads.
Once you have noticed where the meaning originated, decide if it is something you want to hold onto or change.
Then, hold onto the meanings that serve you and change the ones that don’t.
Create the truth you want to live.
Go with power,
Jason
Somatic Grief Therapist
Try this Simple Practice:
Change the Meaning
1. Notice the Meaning
Think about a situation that is creating frustration, sadness, anger, or fear.
Ask yourself…
“What meaning am I giving this?”
Don’t judge it. Just notice it.
2. Question the Meaning
Ask yourself…
“Is this absolutely true… or is this simply the meaning I have assigned to it?”
Then get curious about where that meaning came from… you, your family, friends, society, religion, politics, or somewhere else.
3. Choose a Meaning That Serves You
You don’t have to pretend something painful is wonderful.
Ask…
“What meaning could I give this that would help me move forward?”
Maybe it taught you something. Made you stronger. Changed what you value. Showed you what matters. Gave you permission to choose differently.
4. Live the New Meaning
Finish this sentence…
The meaning I choose to give this is __________.
Then ask…
“If I truly believed this meaning, what would I do differently today?”
Do that.
The situation may not change.
But the meaning you give it can change everything.
Healing doesn't always happen sitting still. Sometimes it begins with taking the next step. Join us for Walking with Grief™ this October in the Adirondacks.