Motivation is Overrated.
Motivation opens the door. Habit teaches you to keep walking through it.
I was so excited yesterday.
I had a little extra time on my hands, so I thought I “SHOULD” get a jump on my email so I wouldn’t have to work on it the next day.
I could write it, edit it, schedule it... and it would be done.
So, I decided to get at it.
But first, I would go to the refrigerator and grab a snack.
Then, I would sit on the couch and check my social media.
Then, I would doom scroll for 30 minutes.
Before I realized it, time had passed and I had gotten absolutely nothing done.
I didn’t even have a topic for the email.
That’s when I realized something.
Even though I thought I “SHOULD” get it done, I wasn’t motivated to do it.
This morning, on the other hand...
I jumped out of bed, knew exactly the message I wanted to share, went down to the kitchen, and started writing.
This was my Sunday morning habit.
My body, heart, and mind knew it was time to write the email... so they went on autopilot.
This is why I spend so much time creating habits in my life versus relying on motivation.
When a habit is created, it happens whether I’m inspired or not.
And when most people think about habits, they think about physical habits.
I’m talking about mental and emotional habits, too.
Happiness is a habit.
Sadness is a habit.
Faith is a habit.
Fear is a habit.
Clarity is a habit.
Confusion is a habit.
After I lost my sister, I thought I had to keep all of my emotions locked down tight.
Stuffed in a box and put in the corner.
Without realizing it, I was cultivating the habit of suppression.
Eventually, I realized that box only had a finite amount of room before it was going to explode.
So, I needed to cultivate a different habit.
I would love to say I jumped straight to the habit of happiness.
That wouldn’t be true.
Happiness was way too far in the distance.
I needed to find something in between... something that was actually closer to suppression than happiness. So, I started being a little more open.
Not WIDE open.
Just a little more open than suppressing everything.
I opened the door a crack.
Once I could do that, I built up the strength to open it a little more.
And then a little more.
Each step took me slightly outside my comfort zone.
Until eventually, I had the capacity to be wide open when appropriate... and to keep the door open just a crack when that was appropriate.
I also thought cultivating intentional habits was something I could do once in a while.
Boy, was I wrong.
This is something I now do DAILY.
The first two hours of my day are for me.
They’re about getting myself into that happiness space... physically, emotionally, and mentally.
I have a practice for each one.
And THAT is why I choose habit over motivation.
Once developed, habits are consistent.
It’s easy to do all the things you know you need to do for yourself when things are good.
When things go south?
That’s where it gets more challenging.
And that’s where consistency becomes critical.
You do it regardless of whether you’re motivated that day.
Now, I don’t want to give motivation a bad rap.
We need motivation.
Motivation is what gets us to START creating the habit.
If I’m not motivated to find happiness, I’m never going to begin the process of finding it.
So, use motivation to get started.
Then create intentional habits that keep you going when motivation decides it would rather grab a snack, sit on the couch, and doom scroll.
What habit do YOU want to create?
Go with power,
Jason
Somatic Grief Therapist
Try this Simple Practice:
Cultivating Intentional Habits
1. PICK ONE SMALL SHIFT
Don’t try to jump from suppression to happiness overnight. Choose one small step in the direction you want to go. Something that feels doable, even on a crappy day.
2. CREATE A DAILY TRIGGER
Attach the new habit to something that already happens every day. Morning coffee. Getting out of bed. Walking the dog. The trigger becomes your body’s reminder... Oh yeah, this is what we do now.
Habit stacking phrase - After I . . . I will . . .
3. DO IT WHETHER YOU FEEL LIKE IT OR NOT
Motivation can start the process. Consistency creates the habit. Keep showing up until you don’t have to convince yourself anymore... it’s simply what you do.
Pro Tip: Don’t ask, “Am I motivated today?” Ask, “What’s the habit I’m cultivating?”
Healing doesn't always happen sitting still. Sometimes it begins with taking the next step. Join us for Walking with Grief™ this October in the Adirondacks.