When the glue is gone.

My grandfather was the oldest of four siblings. He had two sisters and a brother. His brother and one of his sisters were always at war with each other. Whenever we had a family gathering, there were calls back and forth.

“If this one is coming, then I’m not going!”
It rang out like a battle cry.

For some reason, my grandfather was always able to get them together.

I even remember at my grandfather’s shiva (the days of remembrance after the funeral) speaking to each of the feuding siblings to see if there was any chance of reconciliation. Neither of them could even remember what they were fighting about. And yet, they were so committed to keeping the feud alive that it was impossible to reason with either one.

I figured that even if the siblings couldn’t get along, maybe the children could. So I reintroduced the cousins to one another and hosted a dinner at my home. Two came from the same side of the family. We tried to do it again.

It flopped.

My grandfather was the glue that held his side of the family together. And when he was gone, things unraveled.

My grandfather passed in 2008, so why is this coming up now?

This week, I went to the funeral of my grandfather’s youngest sister’s son. My great-aunt is still alive and will be turning 95. She says the secret to longevity is to keep moving.

I hadn’t seen Stephen in over 30 years. I had no relationship with him or his children, but I knew going was the right thing to do. To be completely honest, I went to support my great-aunt because it would have been what my grandfather wanted.

I also thought that Stephen’s children, who had no connection to my side of the family, might want to know something about their family history.

Boy, was I wrong.

After the funeral, we went out to lunch. I tried to start conversations with my cousins, but they had no interest. They stayed glued to their phones—completely disconnected.

And I get it. This may have been how they were dealing with their grief. I would have loved to find a way to reconnect, but in that moment, it wasn’t happening. All I could do was be present and support the process.

On the way home, I felt sad when I realized that was probably the last time I would see that side of the family—aside from my great-aunt.

The glue is gone.

Who is the glue that holds your family together?

If it matters to you,
be the glue.

Go with power,
Jason

Try this Simple Practice:

Be the Glue

Step 1: Choose safety first
Think of one person you haven’t spoken to in a while.
If a family member feels emotionally unsafe or too loaded, choose a friend instead.
This practice is about connection, not reopening wounds.

Step 2: Reach out without an agenda
Send a short message with no expectations attached.
No explanations. No history lessons. No fixing.
Something as simple as:
“I was thinking about you today and wanted to say hello.”

That’s it.

Step 3: Let the moment be enough
Whether they respond warmly, briefly, or not at all, let it be enough that you reached out.
Being the glue isn’t about outcomes.
It’s about showing up with care.

Sometimes one small act of connection is all it takes to hold a thread in place.